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ei just need you to add 2 more pages to my paper that i will provide but i will also give you what parts of my paper that needs to be fixed. right now i have a total of seven pages including the work cited i just needed you to write 2 more pages
Criteria for First Draft & Works Cited Page
MLA Format (header, in-text citations, pagination & margins, title): 50/50
– Nice work: It looks like you’ve got the formatting done correctly and the secondary source in-text citations look good.
– There are very few citations from the film here, and you’ll want to make sure that when you add more the in-text citations are done correctly for the film by minute (59:13).
Works Cited Page: 50/70
– Make the WC its own page, (I almost didn’t see it!)
– You’ve got most of the WC citations right, but the things to fix before your final draft are: 1) Journal titles need to be italicized; 2) there need to be Dates of Access for sources from JStor (on-line); and 3) the Donald Richie work should look like this:
Richie, Donald. Title of Book. Publication info (you’ve got this last part done right)
– Also, don’t forget your primary text—the film!
Argument (Main Claim; Intro; Conclusion): 30/50
– Here’s what I “hear” you saying as your main claim: We can analyze the characters’ testimonies to better understand that their motive to lie was to protect their honor.
Remember that Craft of Research formula? Let’s see if we can get to that third part (the So What? question):
….so that my reader can better understand what—the film? Kurosawa’s critique of Japanese culture? how this film helps us understand human psychology?
– Right now the paper offers more summary than evidence for your argument. Sometimes retelling the story helps you—the writer—organize your ideas so it’s good that you wrote this draft!
– Now, which pieces of dialogue or specific visual images ca

n you offer your reader as support for your claim (that protecting their honor is the driving force for these characters’ lies)?
Content Development & Use of Sources: 30/60
– It looks like you’ve got 7 citations from your secondary sources, but many of them seem like things you might have witnessed from watching the film itself. What argument does Linden make in his paper, or Redfern in his? That’s the kind of material to bring into your paper. (For example, does LInden’s 5 ways of seeing Rashomon help you consider the film philosophically or commercially?)
– Let’s get some citations from the film itself! Dialogue and/or elements (shots, images, sounds) that you can analyze will help your reader “see” what you see in the film as these characters lie to protect their honor. (For example, how does Tajomaru behave? Does he look a certain way, and what does he say impudently to the judge?)
Quality & Number of Sources (at least 3 secondary; 1 primary): 70/70
– You have 1 primary text and 3 secondary sources that appear to be relevant and reliable.
Grammar & Usage (Readability) : 40/50
– You’ll notice that your writing here is generally clear in its meaning. It seems like you’re comfortable with the task of retelling the story.
– Let’s look at this sentence together to see how we might “push” its meaning a little more:
As a result, these characters lied differently due to more selfishness and self-motivation (p 7).
Here’s the same sentence with a little editing: As a result, these character lied due to their selfishness and were motivated by…
– You might find that argumentative statements are harder to control (because the thinking is hard to capture). Keep working at it. I’d be glad to talk with you about your prose if you’d like to before the final draft is due.
let me know if you have any questions.
i will attach my paper at the bottom